The Grin Who Stole Christmas
With Apologies to Dr. Seuss...
THE GRIN WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS!
adapted by Muse Kiyone
Liked Christmas a lot...
But God Grin,
Who lived in the Slave Pits,
The Grin hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his archons never got him nice gifts.
It could be, perhaps, that Justicar wasn't his.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason,
His heart or archon cronies,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the townies,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, silly grin
At the warm lighted windows around Walsuk's inn.
For he knew every patron, from hunters to farmers,
Was eagerly awaiting a big christmas carnage.
"And they're planning their parties!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his god fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...
...All the carnage-going bores
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for the doors!
And then! Oh, the spam! Oh, the spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!
That's one thing he hated! The SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! SPAM!
Then the townies, young and old, would go off to a hunt.
And they'd hunt! And they'd hunt!
And they'd HUNT! HUNT! LEVEL! HUNT!
They would start hunting ogres, and complain "this xp stinks!"
Which was something that Grin couldn't stand in the least!
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every patron in Nexus, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, Archons on Christmas leave.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And then they would start thieving!
They'd thieve! And they'd steal!
AND they'd CURSE! SHOUT! LEECH! KILL!
And the more that Grin thought of those peasants obscene,
The more that Grin thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for all eternity I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grin Laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santa Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinny reason...
"To make every patron forget of this season!"
"All I need is a reindeer..."
The Grin looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop sly old Grin...?
No! Grin simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he created some reindeer, gave them santa suits with a frown,
And let the things loose on Koguryo town.
He loaded some hats
In some old empty cats
Let them loose on the town,
Waited for the attacks.
And a rogue said, "Ka!"
And the deer's corpse fell down
And what should he find
But a strange type of gown.
It wasn't a drapery, or even a blouse.
It had fuzzy rims like the ears of a mouse.
When he came to the realization it was not to be feared.
"I've got the first one!" The greedy rogue cheered.
And he ran to the taverns so people could leer.
Then they poured out in droves, in crowded pursuit.
The forests were crammed as they searched for these suits.
The deer fell quite quickly, but suits were still rare.
Accusations and shouts and rude words filled the air.
Grin laughed as two poets tugged a hat to and fro,
"It's MINE!" they shouted, "Stupid jerk! Let it go!"
The meaning of christmas had turned quite unpleasant,
These people were fighting over Grin's christmas present!
And it wasn't quite long, given peoples' greed
That reindeer and cats were quite scarce indeed.
Yet they searched everywhere. Yes the people, quite fatigued,
Searched for the rare beasts by which they were intrigued.
He did the same thing
To Buya; It developed.
Much too small
For the greed that enveloped!
It was quarter past dawn...
All the Patrons, still a-fighting
All the Townies, still a-fussing
As the deer fell with lightning,
Grin looked at this scene, and he laughed at the greed!
The cursing! And the violence! The victims! The thieves!
Three thousand feet down! In the depths of the Slave Pits,
Grin knew what had happened; and he himself made it!
"They're cursing and fighting!" he was heard to say.
"I tried to prevent it, I caused it that way!
"I did kill the season, but now at what cost?
"I stopped the festivities and JUSTICE was lost!
"Now the people, the patrons, accuse and accost!"
"And that spam," frowned Grin,
"Is unpleasant to hear!"
So he paused. And then Grin put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the land.
Grin cupped his hand. This he couldn't understand!
The sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Nexus!
And Grin popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Patron in Nexus, be they poet or rogue,
Was singing, even if Santa suit was forgo'ed!
Grin HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
The season survived, it came just the same!
And what happened then...?
Well...at Nexon they say
That Grin's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whirled his hands with a glorious light!
And he made christmas skeletons! Santa clothes were a MUST!
Grin hosted the bloodlust!